Precious Life

The opposite of love's indifference-The Lumineers

This past weekend, I left Gavin for the first time ever. And, as I placed the glow in the dark leash attached to my Lil' Big Head into the hands of the Canine Crews handler; I felt the familiar flutter in my stomach that comes when, after only a short time together, I am smitten with Gavin. The nice guy with baggy pants and an oversized t-shirt playfully said "ouch" when Gavin's whip-tail knocked him in the shins as the two walked back to playgroup; Gavin squirming with delight, without even looking back at me.

While I was momentarily crushed that Gavin walked away without even a glance over his stubby shoulder; it gave me the comfort of a cozy sweater to know that he would not be sitting, waiting and worrying when I would return for him. I used to say that Finn would have gone home with anyone. He was also always so happy to be around just about any human; even if just to show off his swagger. Back when he used to romp 'n' roll at Dogs Day Inn; I was snowed in at LaGuardia airport during a work trip, in my corporate days. I can not recall if they were booked the following night; if I was just a wee bit clueless that these things happen and could have extended his stay or if my friend Christine simply wanted my Big Lug to be belly-up on a bed as much as I did; but she offered her husband's services to pick Finn up for me. With my permission, the staff brought Finn out for Kevin and Mark; two men Finn had NEVER met in his entire life. Kevin crouched down, with his easy, bright and natural smile while exclaiming "Finn!" and my Lug jumped right into his arms like they had been best buds for Finn's entire mischievous three years. And, on the long car ride back to Gurnee; where he first met the raven-furred beauty Kevin and Christine named "Payton"; Finn laid his head on Mark's lap with such intuitive trust, I often envied his naturally open heart.

Over the weekend, I stayed with one of my dearest friends in the entire world, Pam and her husband Chris. It was the first time I met their new, super-awesome puppy, Leo who I am certain would be besties with Gavin if they lived closer. If Leo had a fan club, my friend Jenny would be the president, she took SO many pictures of him! Because Pam knew Finn so well, it gave me a chance to do what helps my heart heal best; talk about Finn and remember all the good times he had. Pam laughs at EVERYTHING, which makes her a true pleasure to be around and we were reminiscing about the time she stayed at my place with Finn for a couple nights. The big stallion heard her alarm clock sound off and came galloping in to the bedroom. He sniffed her curiously then backed up like a Mack Truck before throwing himself onto the bed. He wriggled onto his back and rolled around, looking at her the entire time like, "hey, you are supposed to be doing something right now". She called me confused while I explained our morning ritual of BELLY RUBS. She started to leash him up for his walk when she called me again. Apparently, he was flabbergasted as he lowered his head, shook it a little then sat down and sighed in disgust because she just was not doing anything like I did. I still chuckle thinking of sweet Pam trying so hard to understand what the heck our routine was in each and every moment and spoiled Finn staring at her with his droopy eyes through still chocolate-colored eyebrows. The "OHMYGOD, we are going for a walk" beaming expression on Finn's face as I picked up his leash and the excitement that never waned EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I opened the door; these are things I do not want to forget, ever. 


I try to be thankful for the gifts I have in my life and little victories like a good parking spot or a stranger bringing me the $20 bill that fell from my pocket. But, this week I am most thankful for the successful brain surgery of my amazing stepfather, Jim. My family was surprised last week with news that he had a tumor above his ear and we were so fortunate to have found it early but diagnosis, surgery, chemotherapy, radiation and a voice that I love but sounds so different, all happened so fast. Jim, my mother and our whole family have a very long road to recovery ahead. Just when things are moving along fine and dandy, you get a swift kick that reminds you how precious all of our lives are. I resolved to play on Facebook less and video chat more with my grandmother.

I was on the phone with Jim last evening and of course, he asked how his buddy Gavin was doing. Jim absolutely fell in love with Gavin the instant they met each other, seriously he could be the president of Lil' Big Head's fan club. The wiggle worm charms everyone. Oh, Gavin, even after four days of play away from home, he hopped around the house like a bunny and snorted like a pig all night long. He is so precious!

The refusal to love is the only unbearable thing.-Madeleine L'Engle.