Boomerang

Last Easter, Finn, my marvelous friend Sheila and I spent a long weekend in Devil's Lake,Wisconsin. It was one of those getaways that I will often close my eyes and revisit when I need a dose of happiness. A few months prior, I had discovered a new seat extender and a different attachment for Finn's harness after his spindly legs became creaky from a car ride with the more restrictive harness we had used for years. Old dudes need to stretch and move, even in the car. And, the house we rented was surrounded by miles of fabulous trails that twisted and turned; like corn mazes I used to love as a kid and hills that Finn would barrel through with the most amazing "I'm free" look on his face while I followed, huffing and puffing. Then, he would lay on his bed on the patio with me, raising his head to take in the fresh air and watch the birds fly over our heads while I enjoyed coffee and Sheila played on the Internet. And, though Sheila is not the most outdoorsy human being, the three of us would go for real hikes at the park; Finn, full of energy and a big Labbie smile as he galloped over tree stumps and rocks without skipping a beat. Whenever we could find a spot on the lake not invested with gnats; we would let Finn do what he loved most in this world, charge into water. The cloud of bugs did not phase him at all but grossed us out, I never fancied eating insects, even before I became a vegetarian. We had such a good weekend that I told Sheila on our drive home that I was going to start a blog about adventures with my senior dog, Finn still had so many things to explore!

A few days later, I was up late doing accounting and by the time Finn got his last walk in; I crashed onto my bed around 3am. He had an acupuncture appointment early the next morning and I remember calculating the number of hours of sleep I would get in my head when he came racing in my room with a panicked look on his face; it had been a couple of years since he wanted share the bed with me like my sweet, little Gavin does and I always left doors open so I could hear him if he needed anything. There was no thunderstorm or fireworks and to this day, I am still not quite sure what set off his anxiety. It took about an hour and some drugs to calm him down but I was so worried about him.

During his appointment, I was sleep deprived and even more emotional than I usually am while I explained what had happened to my favorite veterinarian. She said, "I think it's time you start thinking about saying goodbye to him". WHAT? He had a bad night, it lasted an hour and I would be able to sleep the next evening. It was not time yet! I now know she did not intend for me to say goodbye to him at that moment or even in the upcoming weeks or months but I adore Dr. Royal and she's known me for years; she was prepping me for what she knew I needed to start thinking about. I made the commitment then and there to give my Finn, aka "Nugget" as much fun as he wanted but it was a roller coaster of a year.

The last eight or nine months of 2012 were solely about Finn and I would not trade a second of it; I would do it another ten years if he was still bouncing along next to me, happy. But, it was hard. I gave up my social life; I missed birthdays because of thunderstorms and my human relationships changed. No one told me how many times I would wonder if we were taking our last walk, beach outing or road trip together so I made every one count the best I could. And, when I did occasionally venture out into the real world, I felt like an alien when a friend would ask if I had met any nice guys recently or what I was up to. I had one answer and I was not sure others understood that keeping Finn happy was all I wanted to be "up to".

My only regret is that I should have put my big girl pants on more and asked for help. My sister, mom and dear friends, Sheila and Pam would ask if there was anything they could do. I never knew how to respond to that. What I needed was for Finn to get better and I knew that was never going to happen. I do not fear old age, wrinkles, gray hair; none of that matters to me. But, not being able to care for myself, hurting. That scares me.

So, for every downturn we had, I found a new herb, a wonder drug or some variation of a therapy that gave me temporary hope; many more happy moments and a smiley old guy that flounced his way to the door to greet me every single day and seemed to draw people to him no matter where he went.  When Finn and I went to Door County last July, EVERY SINGLE PERSON who passed us on the street had to stop and say hi to him, ice cream cones in hand. He was so regal about it as he stood watching his admirers ogle him, gracing them with pagan smooches and not once stealing a lick of dairy goodness. I found an awesome outdoor cafe that not only allowed dogs, but had grass instead of concrete for him to rest his crunchy old hips that had been swimming all day; while he ate $8 kibble topped with hot dogs. Every employee would stop to marvel at my big, gentle lug, remark they couldn't touch Finn because they were handling food; eventually give in to his sloppy kisses then scurry off to wash their hands. I am almost positive they thought I was a little weird being there just me and my dog but I did not care, he was my best buddy in the whole world. And, somehow, I have been forgiven for every dinner I missed with the people I love the most.

Now that it is spring and I am itching to be outside all the time, Gavin is very willing to join me and it's good. It is better than good. I had grown so accustom to my entire world revolving around Finn's care; my fun was seeing him happy and knowing he was having fun. I need a good, strong kick in the tush to remind me what I find enjoyable. One of the things that bonded Finn and I was our shared sense of adventure, I love trying new things as much as he always did and I am just now starting to explore on my own and with Gavin. We hit Norwood Park Dog Park and Foster Beach last week, for the first time together. Seeing Gavin run and play is so wonderful. Often clumsy and ridiculous, but so inspiring. And, with every passing week, Gavin becomes more and more amazing to me. I no longer have to poke my head around the corner every two seconds to make sure he's not eating yet another pair of my shoes while I clean the bathroom and we have even had a couple relaxing walks. But, like every single life experience, it's not perfect. Last week, I walked in the door, so excited to see him and was thinking how far he's come in two months only to find that he had destroyed the cooling mat in his crate; the day after he ate a dog bed in his house. Little stinker.

Because I continue to write about my little life and the things that matter to my daily existence does not mean I have not and will not continue to shed many tears for the horrible tragedy in Oklahoma. I have made a donation to an organization I trust will put my money to good use to help the victims and their families and I will pray for all of them, please take a couple moments to watch this heartwarming video of a woman reunited with her dog.