I was driving Finn to the veterinarian one afternoon and my phone rang, it was Sheila. She asked how I was and I screeched, "How do you think I am? Finn is dying!" And, as the words violently spewed from my mouth, I plummeted. How could I be so mean and terrible to one of my dearest friends in the whole world? I often felt so alone as my Lug aged, like no one understood what weighed on my mind. Would I be able to catch Finn if he fell down the stairs? Was I able to see past my need to have my Lug next to me to know when he was suffering? How would I know what that looked like? The decision on when to let him go, if I was blessed or cursed with it, was constantly there. Even when I tried to not think about it and just walk, snuggle and enjoy every second I had with my Lug. That night and many nights after, my soul sister Sheila brought me dinner and wine. And while Finn wrapped his grey and brown paws around his bone and joyfully sucked out every morsel of marrow; Sheila hugged me when I apologized; and listened while I talked through crocodile tears. I could never repay Sheila for all she did for me and she would never ask.
It has been almost a year since Kate opened her basement door to Finn and I. Kate's puppy, Grace who is also Gavin's girlfriend, was sharing the perfect autumn stroll with me today as I retraced the same path I took with Finn the morning after we moved in. I remember the relief and amazing simple joys of walking return. Finn was so charged up. I will be eternally grateful for Kate's generosity and the most astonishing gift anyone has ever given to me, life with my Lug.
My walks with Gavin are so different but increasing more relaxing. I so very often fumble trying to recall all his canine pals' names and the nice humans who make small talk with me while Lil' Big Head bounces into the air. I have discovered that I avoided a lot of nice dogs in my neighborhood. And, I have grown to look forward to seeing some of the cheerful faces at the other end of their leashes. It is amazing how dogs bring humans together. After I had earrings made of Finn's ashes, the beautiful Gina who created my dangly, sparkly reminders of love sent me a scrapbook page of my Lug she plans to use on her website. I was so touched. And, fellow hiker, dog lover, blogger AND my first follower Heather sent me some delicious treats for Gavin and some of my clients to try. They were a hit and the people who continue to bless me with their presence because of Finn and Gavin never fail to pleasantly surprise me.
Gavin has been such a superstar in the house that I started thinking about a plan for him to have more freedom when he was home alone. Of course, I am certain Finn was whispering in his ear because as I sat in my sun room, looking at my schedule and trying to determine a couple days where he could have short test runs; the little booger ate a piece of my rug and peed on the floor, the latter for the first time EVER. So, in his crate Lil' Big Head stays for now. Then Gavin showed off more of Finn Bear's favorite tricks when a friend came over as he snatched a flip flop and danced around the table, laughing and looking over his shoulder. And, after every stinker puppy moment, Lil' Big Head finds a way to melt my heart. When I dropped him off at daycare the morning after I repaired my rug, again; Lil' Big Head turned around for the first time. I could see his enormous Pit Bull smile through the glass, while he paused at the door to doggie nirvana. Gavin thought for a second about choosing me over his friends and I fell more in love with him.
1 comment:
ooops, so much for freedom. Dude, bad move.
What an amazing blessing to have such true and dedicated friends- but that is what true and loyal friends do, be there when you need them to be. I cannot imagine Sheila nor Kate or anyone else ever once thought of repayment, just relief that they could be a good friend for you. Clearly Finn has some additional training to do with lil big head still ;) some day until then that crate looks comfy.
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