Forgiveness

Dogs amaze me. Finn was brought into this world to hunt and when he proved he was not worthy of retrieving downed birds and was too much trouble in the house because the other dogs were cornering, tormenting and biting the runt of the litter; he was left alone in barn. I can only guess that the sparse human interaction he had was gruff and unkind as he was tossed his water and food. If the guy was going to stick the barrel of a gun to his head to get rid of his problem dog; I doubt he worried himself about Finn's comfort sleeping on the warm, muddy ground.

Yet, my Lug sprawled his lanky legs and giant paws over my lap as my mom drove us away from that beat-up lonely, barn he would never have to see again. He trusted me. I rubbed the nub inside of his ear as he moaned, snorted and purred; his head grew heavier and heavier onto my thigh like human hands had always been gentle and compassionate to him. We stayed with my parents that first night, who had just installed white carpet in the house so I slept on the floor with him in the laundry room so Finn did not make a mess of their new floors. Finn curled himself up into a tiny brown ball, and smushed his peanut body as close to me as he possibly could. He did not move the entire night.

In September 2012, I declined an invitation to get involved with Safe Humane; Finn needed me more than ever. While I knew so many other dogs were and will never blessed with the love and care Finn had; I just could not leave him alone, knowing that every single day we had together was a gift. When he passed away, I wanted to find something worthwhile to do with my time. I am far from being a martyr but when there is a grey shadow cast over my world, time better heals my wounds when I give back rather than indulge myself. The phenomenal Executive Director, Cynthia Bathurst allowed me the opportunity to help other volunteers teach vital skills to Court Case dogs. And, every time I travel through the city, griping to one of my friend's about Friday afternoon traffic on my Bluetooth, stomach full from lunch and water whenever I want or need it, my ticker grows three times larger the instant I see one of those incredible animals light up when they see any one of us. You see, these dogs sleep on concrete floors and through iron bars, they stare, bark, tremble or peer out like they have given up until a volunteer lassos them with a leash. We can rub their bellies; teach them vocabulary that will help them find and stay in a loving home and how to accept new, possibly scary things like their ears being touched. I tear up every single time I walk through the pavilions but the life they live now is so much better than where they were; many abused, starved and other horrific acts inflicted on them by the only families they have ever known. Yet, they lean into our touch and look at us like they have never had a reason to distrust a human being. I usually drive home in silence so nothing distracts me from how grateful I am to play an extremely small part of something so meaningful and to let them warmth I feel sink in a bit as I think about unbelievable, forgiving dogs.

What happens when a dog trainer posts on their Facebook page she is ready to open her home to a dog? So much love came my way, I was a bit overwhelmed at all the dogs people were picking out for me. One of my very first puppy students as a business owner and the ultimate dog lover, Mary Ellen sent me a picture of Cappucino, a small pit bull mix with a Herculean noggin. He looked so serious! But, the description I read about his personality seem like a perfect fit for me AND he was a Court Case dog. In the short time I had spent with the program; I had (and still have) such admiration for the dogs who survived their ghastly experiences, still ready to give love and accept it with Grace.


Gavin (formerly Cappucino) sashayed up my stairs joined by the Alive Rescue volunteer with the exact same expression he had in the picture, but his odd-shaped body wiggled and squirmed then he bounced towards me, nothing about this dog was serious. Bright, soulful brown eyes looked up at me adoringly as his leaned his skinny back against my legs then flopped onto the floor for a belly rub. We just met but his whiplike tail was tapping my pants like a little heartbeat, just for me. Sometimes he looks at me very quizzically, like he is trying really hard to figure out what I am going to do but never seems worried or afraid, except for the occasional hesitation about the stairs or an airplane. His past is still a bit of a mystery to me but even before I gave him any reason to trust me, he did. And, I will make mistakes with him just like I did with Finn but he will forgive me.  The first week he was home, we were out for a walk and he saw this couple walking into their home. He just HAD to see them and after he performed a diddy that looked like the macarena to invite them over for a quick hello; his stealth bow, lay down, head turn move blew up in his face because somehow he bounced his way under the fence gate. Poor guy got so freaked out when he tried to pull his ginormous head backwards between the two iron rods. When I leaned down to help him, he was thrashing about so much that the fence gate nailed me right between the eyes, I saw speckled bright lights for a second. He shook it off and forgot about it the instant he saw a SQUIRREL and I forgave the little dork. One of my all-time favorite books on the subject: