October 8th

It was 8:30am and it took all the strength I had when I picked up the phone, not to sob or seem as desperate as I felt. Finn had tripped walking up the stairs and started to twist and tumble backwards. I could see the panic in his eyes as I tried to catch him. Grabbing my Lug's chest; I felt the burning in my ankle as it rolled on the step and we both started to fall. Luckily I was able to grab the railing and stable both Finn and I. My heart was racing and I looked at Finn who was also trying to figure out what had just happened; knowing that we could have both been severely marred. As each ring blared in my ear; I wondered what I would do if Kate had changed her mind about her offer to live in her basement. I was out of other options, medications, herbs and therapies. She was my only hope but I could not bear to put that burden on her.

From the book, Healing After Loss by Martha Whitmore Hickman, on October 8th: "In our sadness and despair, can we act and think as though faith is an accurate mirror of truth; that there is, out there in the darkness, a hand that reaches out to us in compassion and love?"

Ten minutes later, I was packing up Finn's medications, his dog bed, calming music and his Thundershirt. And, once I made sure I had all of my Lug's things; I nabbed my Keurig so we could be ready later that night to move, once he had a chance to rest. I did not know if the arrangement would work. Either of Kate's dogs might have been stressed having a dog they did not know well live in the basement. Finn's anxieties changed so much in his elderly days, a new home might have been too much for him. But, I had to try. I learned a powerful lesson, allowing Kate to help me. And, the risk I took not knowing what could be in a new house paid off by giving me three whole months with my Lug.

Today, a year later; I could dwell on the fact that Finn is not here to enjoy his favorite time of year. Heck, every time of year was his favorite, but Finn got the biggest kick out of the crunchy leaves when we hiked in the Fall. Or, I could feel sorry for myself because today

also marks the anniversary of the end of the end with my Lug. But, I celebrate Kate today and will do so every year on October 8th. With a key to her basement, she gave and taught me so much. Because of Kate, I had:

• Long strolls through Horner Park, he loved wandering up and down the hill there.
• One last road trip to Ohio to chase geese and each as much leftover turkey as he wanted. At his age, Finn no longer had to steal my stepdad's sausage.
• A quiet Christmas, filled with my own cooking and visits from friends.
• Car rides to Gompers Park, Caldwell Woods, Eugene Field Park and treks through nearby forest preserves.
• My birthday hike with Sheila, my Lug ate the snowman's arms and was so spirited, we played our race game and I did not have to pretend to run. I'm so happy Sheila took as much video as she did.
• "I got my bone" shuffle down the hall almost everyday. Old dogs deserve to be spoiled. 
• Snuggling on the couch, twice! It was so amazing for him to want to climb up onto the sofa.
• OH MY GOD, happy dance, spindly leg race to greet me at the door every single time I came home.
• After 13 years of preferring to "shake" with his left paw, Finn finally decided it would be worthwhile to give right "paw". He still liked to use his brain but senior joints can't do a whole lot, so I got creative.
• So many belly rubs, massages, mornings on his dog bed laying nose to nose like no one else in the world existed. The sound of his happy grumble when I hit the right spot will always bring me joy.
• One last TV appearance, Finn wanted nothing more than to kiss the cameraman and anchor.
• A new friend, Bailey.
• Countless kisses, laughs, loving moments and reminders that life is worth fighting for.
• Eternal peace that I did everything I possibly could for him to have a happy, long life.

Thank you, Kate. You will forever be my angel on earth. And, Gavin loves you just as much as Finn always, always did!